let's go fly a kite

Pity Party

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 22:06:39 GMT

I bought a desk yesterday. I payed to much (40). I couldn't get it into my car, even with bungee chords. I called everyone I knew had a truck. No one could help me. I left it there and posted a few myspace bulletins and continued to make phone calls. It's not that I don't have friends with trucks, it's just that they won't help. This reminds me of moving day. I had 5 people say they'll help me and none of them showed. I don't understand. If my friends need help I drop everything and help them.

I don't know why I've been so upset lately. I think it's stress/not sleeping. I was upset earlier about not singing in a choir, then this happened, and now I'm just depressed. I have so much school work to do and I need to do well. There's so much pressure on me to get good grades, how else am I going to get into Berkley's law school? I haven't slept more than three hours in a night for about two weeks and quite a few all nighters. I don't have any money for food and Bruegger's free bagels can only do so much. My bike is locked up and I still can't find the key. I need furniture but I can't even get it to my place. I'm being so un-posi right now. I just need to suck it up.

I get scared.

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 06:32:35 GMT

He wanted me to be great and I'm not. I just wanted to "get some". For having a vagina, I can be such a guy. He wanted the relationship, meet the parents, hand-holding, lovey-dovey nonsense. I want something less complicated, almost nothing at all. So I crushed his hopes. He's upset now but he would have been more upset if I had waited longer. Now my plans for the night fell through and I feel more alone than ever and that's exactly what I want. I have my priorities straight and a relationship's just not one of them right now. Not to mention the fact that he was waaaaaaaaay clingy bordering obsessive.

Last night

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 14:32:41 GMT

I had a dream about my past but I was living it like it was today. The only thing I did differently was I kept my guard up. It ended in disaster because that's not who I am. My weakness and my best quality is the trust I put in people. Of course, often times it turns out to be for the worst. But I'm not even thinking about the good that has come from this trait.

I wrote this because I barely slept last night but each time I did, I dreamt about the same thing.

Essure?

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 17:29:20 GMT

It's a non-surgical form of permanent birth control. No incisions, burning, hormones, or general anesthesia is used. What they do is insert coils into your fallopian tubes and your body naturally builds up a blockade that prevents pregnancy. Like any birth control method there are risks but I feel confident in the procedure. I have to find out more about the costs but I'm seriously considering this.

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 04:16:29 GMT

School organizations and clubs are good for one thing, socializing. I can understand that it's college and people want to make friends, date, party, and what-have-you, but what about the real issues? I am involved in a few feminist related orginazations on campus. They throw potlucks and passion parties I ask myself how this is working towards gender equality. I know they mean well and they do alot when it comes to informing about safe sex and getting a women's center started but I feel my time could be better spent outside of the university.

In other news, after the feminist organization meeting I drove to Chandler to voice my opinion on Covance. When I got there I saw an old friend, met some new friends and had some free fruit. I sat through a movie that was so horrible it makes Life Aquatic look good. I had good company though and the women struggling to stay conscious kept me entertained. The mayor breezed over Covance without giving anyone a chance to say a word. The event was over and we walked into the lobby where I was interview for the Chandler Independent (a newspaper of some sort). A few laughs about a certain city council person and I was off.

The day was eventful and optimistic.

I was inspired in LA.

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 02:27:18 GMT

In LA, a few pals and I joined forces with a group of independent activists to speak out against a company who does business with H.L.S. With Covance being built just minutes away and vivisection being practiced across the street, Arizona needs cooperated action. I thought it would be great if we (animal rights activists) pulled together and made a difference in the lives of future Covance and vivisection victims. Of course, all these ideas are in the works. I was at lunch today when the topic came up. I opened my mouth without preperation. I felt like a 12 year old discussing globalization with Peter Singer. I wanted to sink down in my seat, run towards some source of education ,and not stand until I could voice my opinions clearly. But opinions I have, I just lack the words to express them.